Women’s strength: Finding refugee in ourselves

8th March 2023 Photo: Elysee Niyigena

Working for the UN in Africa, I have learned that many UN female staff are either separated, single, or divorced. For an article I wrote for the UN Regional Service Centre Entebbe (RSCE) newsletter, one of them told me: “In certain cultures, when women earn the same or more than men and they see that their partner is not doing as much as them, resentment steps in”.

Another thing I noticed was that many of them leave their children behind to work abroad and provide better opportunities for their families. This lady's child was 6 months old when she left her home country to serve in the United Nations mission in Sierra Leone, in 2002.

These stories reminded me of my own. My childhood was marked by the lack of memories with my mom, as she was always working. People would criticize her for not being a “real model of a mom” and, for a long time, I did the same. I just changed my mindset when I learned about feminism during my bachelor’s at the Federal University of Rio de Janeiro.

I started looking at my mom as this feminist from the 2nd wave, the woman who would acquire the so-desired independence and freedom through working hard and tirelessly. Hearing about my mother’s childhood and the submissive relationship my grandma was stuck in, also helped me to overcome her absence.

We, women, are judged by whichever path we choose. For many of us, especially women of color, LGBTIQ+, and financially venerable women, we are alone in our choices. So, we end up finding refuge in ourselves. Our strength comes from that, not from wearing high heels, having our period, or giving birth.